This is going to be a long journal. So if you don't wanna read it all, I understand.
I figured I would just come and post a journal to let ya'll know what has been going on since I left and to say that I am still here and don't plan on leaving permanently.BUT
, it is still gonna be a while longer until I come back and be active again... Maybe after the New Year?
It won't be anytime soon though
First off, thank you, ALL of you, who wished me a Happy Birthday. That seriously made me happy to see so many messages on my page.
And a special thank you to 4 lovely ladies:FoxAircurrent
for the beautiful drawings of my bbies as cupcakes. I still love them to bits. And for talking to me while I have been away.CuriousCucumber
for sending me that lovely post card. I started crying while I was reading it. Thank you so much Irish. You did not have to go out of your way to write all of that. But it all was very sweet and really cheered me up.xkatiexprime
for my amazing birthday gifties she sent me. I have your letter and drawings of Kraft and MC hanging on my wall. The pin is clipped on my TF hat, and I still wear our friendship necklace. Thank you again, Katie byy xLosersRuleTheWorldx
for being my best friend and being there for me whenever I need you. I would say more, but I have already told you everything else. I love you. :huggles:
Now I guess I will finally explain why I left DA in the beginning and have been gone so long.
The main reason:
My parents got a divorce.
It really did not upset me as much as I thought. Both my parents have been miserable for a long time. My mom was so unhappy and I found out that is why her and I would fight so much.
She actually found a new love, and they formed a relationship after her and my dad decided to divorce. She moved out of the house and is now living with him.
As odd as it may sound so some, it really doesn't feel that weird. Her boyfriend is a really nice guy. I like him a lot.
They are already talking about marriage in the future, and if that happens, I will be gaining a brother and sister. I have been an only child my whole life, so this will be a very new experience for me.
My dad took it all well, but for a while he had been very stressed. I was very worried about him because he lost A LOT of weight and he had gotten a little depressed, but he is doing a lot better now.
Especially now that I have moved in with him.
I decided to move back home so my daddy would not be alone, and so I could start saving up money for a house and beacause I am thinking about going to school out of town in a few years.
Which leads to the next big news:
I finally found a career that I love.
I got a second job working as a dental assistant, and I am currently working towards achieving my RDA (Registered Dental Assisting license).
After I have my license for a few years, I plan on going to hygiene school and becoming a hygienist.
Working in this field is very difficult and it takes a lot of work. The doctor I work for is not completely fluent in English and he can be a challenge. I have already experienced some difficulties working under him, but I refuse to give up. I want to push myself to learn everything that I can to get my license. I have already managed to become certified in dental radiology and I love doing it. I am hoping to begin testing for my RDA in a year... depending on how everything at work plays out, it could take two years.
I have been very very busy. I work 2 jobs still. I was finally able to quit my job as janitor, but now I work two medical jobs.
I am still a Chiropractor's Assistant in the morning, but I work as a Dental Assistant in the afternoons.
It is a lot of hard work, but I like it, and I want to go far. I am hoping to get a full time position at the dental office so I can put all my focus in that field.
Thankfully my work keeps me busy.
I have to say, that I have been depressed for quite some time.
It has gotten very bad as of late, and it has even driven me to the point of self harm.
Yus, I know. Pathetic.
But I will confess: it is something I have suffered with for a few years now. I manage to hold myself back until I reach my breaking point.
However, I have forced myself to stop.
I promised someone that I would not do it anymore, and I want to keep that promise to her.
Unfortunately I still bear some of my scars, but none of them are fresh. And that is a big deal for me.
My depression comes and goes. Usually something bad happens that causes it to fester like an ugly zit.
I found out this week that my great grandmother fell and hurt herself very badly.
She already suffers from severe arthritis and she could barely walk, but now she cannot walk at all.
My grandmother took her to the hospital and they said that she does not have much time left.
I'm sad... but relieved at the same time.
My great grandmother has suffered from arthritis and partial blindness for a very long time. She has been miserable and she has been ready to go. Her husband died long ago, and she wants to go and be with him.
She does not understand why she is still here.
I hate knowing that she is suffering, especially because even though her body has grown so feeble, her mind is still sharp. I have never met a woman as wise as her.
Lastly... Isaac and I broke up.
It happened a few nights ago.
It was a mutual thing, though he says he still loves me.
I just lost feelings for him over time. All we had been doing was fighting, and it only got worse when we moved in with my dad.
So we decided to just break it off.
We dated for 2 years and 2 months.
We were each other's first love.
I do still love him, but I am not in love with him.
I was miserable and I felt as though I was hanging onto him because I did not want to be alone. Which is not fair to him at all.
I have to say that I have never cried over anyone as much as I cried over him the night we broke up.
It is for the best, and I feel much better and happier now.
But I actually felt my heart break.
And let me just tell you, that is one of the most painful feelings in the world.
Sleeping alone sucks.
So yeah. I am now focusing on my career and my happiness.
You cannot depend on others for happiness, you have to find it in yourself."Love Yourself First."
As for art, I have been doodling here and there, but not as much as I used to at all. I am way too busy, and tired when I do have free time. I do try to draw when I can though. I will be posting one of my drawing after I post this journal, just to have something in my gallery to remind myself to come back.
To all of you who read all of this, and those of you who still watch me even though I have nothing to show right now, thank you.
To those of you who still view me as a friend, even though I have been off here and skype for so long, and will continue to be for a while, thank you even more.
I truly, truly appreciate it.
I hope to talk to you all again soon.
I love you all,